A Joy Filled Home

By Nicole VanGelder

The Beauty of Chaos

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I used to believe that in an ideal world, my house would be clean and orderly, almost always. I would have more money in the bank and life would have a nice rhythm with only good interruptions (think: travel). 

I still enjoy a clean and orderly house (on the rare occasion it happens, at least). And, I certainly wouldn’t turn down more money in my account if it were offered! However, I no longer believe that this is what an ideal world looks like. In fact, it may sound crazy, but I wouldn’t choose it even if I could. The reason for this is because I believe wholeheartedly that an ideal life is a life lived with people. And, anytime people are involved, so is a certain level of chaos.

It is uncomfortable, irritating, frustrating, and stretching to the point of actually breaking, for your life to be lived in close connection with others. (This is particularly true if they are little people that are born without boundaries or even the most basic of manners!) Nothing has stretched my character the way that being a wife and mother has—not to mention my comfort level. And by no means is this a reflection on my family! Instead, life with them has exposed the real me: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

But, the miraculous thing is that this exposure has been the very thing that has brought me life! I have been found wanting so many times. There are many instances where I have fallen short. Yet, life goes on. Daily life and the demands of it don’t stop. This requires me to move past my shortcomings and keep going. As a result, I grow. 

Some days, I have had a harder time with this than others. But, I love my family. I sincerely want to be a positive force in their life. I want my marriage to thrive. I want my home to be a place of love and peace and joy. Because of this, even when my weaknesses are exposed, or I don’t know how do keep going, I can’t quit! Instead, I have to dust myself off and try, try, again. This can be a very humbling experience. But, I’ve also learned that it is the very place where the most beautiful things happen. 

For example, I am confident of my husband’s love for me. Not because our life together has been perfect, but rather the opposite. He has seen me at my lowest, at my worst, and yet, he loves me. We have lived through both triumph and tragedy, joy and deep pain. We haven’t always responded well. Yet, it is perhaps the hard times that have forged our connection the strongest. We’ve failed each other in countless ways—but, we’ve never actually failed, because we never quit! Instead, we have chosen to keep going. In the process we’ve learned countless lessons, yes—but, none more important than the truth that love really does win the day if you just keep choosing it. At the start of our journey, I couldn’t have imagined how pure and deep my love for this man would grow to be. And, it isn’t done growing, yet! I am sincerely thankful each day for our journey together. My heart truly overflows with love.

Living with kids, in the close confines and chaos of family life, has also changed me more than I could have guessed it would. Don’t get me wrong, I still have some growing to do. (Okay, a lot of growing to do!) There are days when the chaos of a family of ten gets to me. I still sometimes fantasize a little about a real life “Baileywick”* to come and bring order and a little magic to our life. But, I also find that my heart gets joy out of some of the very things that I used to fight against. Some of this is because I have actually grown. But, my perspective has grown too. The way I see has changed. I know that the days of my family existing under one roof are numbered. I know that being involved in the process of my children’s daily life is a privilege, a true honor. I understand that external messes are much more easily cleaned up than then internal ones caused—even unintentionally—by a mom with the wrong priorities. I also know that if I don’t embrace the chaos of life with them now, I very well may not be invited to be a part of their lives later—and I desperately want to be a valuable part of their lives, always!

Proverbs 14:4  says: “Where no oxen are, the manger is clean, But much revenue comes by the strength of the ox.” (NASB) Obviously there are many applications to this. But the basic truth remains the same: Life is cleaner, and easier to manage when there is less in it. The downside is that there is less in it. 

Another version of this verse reads: “The only clean stable is an empty stable. So if you want the work of an ox and to enjoy an abundant harvest, you’ll have a mess or two to clean up!” (TPT) 

If this was specifically about family life it would probably read more like this: An empty house is clean. But, a home filled with people is rich; not in money, but in life—and messes!

Family life really is rich. Yes, it is messy. But, if it is done well, it overflows with love, joy, laughter, safety, growth, kindness, and so much more. 

Today’s Prayer: 

Father, thank you for the journey. Thank you that you are with me helping me to grow so that I can be more like You and live the life I was created for. Thank you for my family. Help me to see them like you do. Give me grace for the messes of life together and eyes to see the beauty in the chaos. Thank you that you love me in spite of my messiness. Help me to love my family in that same way. Thank you for the honor of being a part of their lives. Help me to treat them accordingly and to order my days according to those things that are truly important. Amen. 

 

*Bailywick is the butler on the show Sofia the First. 

A Devotional for Moms: Rejoice • Pray • Give Thanks

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Verse Highlight:

1 Thess. 5:16-17  “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (NASB)

“Let joy be your continual feast. Make your life a prayer. And in the midst of everything be always giving thanks, for this is God’s perfect plan for you in Christ Jesus.” (TPT)

“Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.” (The Message)

Dear Moms, 

It stinks, but cheerfulness is a choice. This is not what you want to hear the morning after you’ve been up all night with a fussy baby or when you are trying to make your finances work—not to mention trying to navigate any number of tragedies that life throws at you!

Yet, there is no asterisk. No exceptions. Rejoice always. Choose joy. Be calmly cheerful. Always. How is this possible? And, why is it important? 

Well, first of all, I want to clarify something. The Lord is not ignorant of the pain of your life. And, it isn’t that He doesn’t care! He cares deeply! He cares about you and the issues that you face—both the big tragedies and the rubs of daily life. In fact, He doesn’t just sympathize with us from a distance. He truly understands! As Hebrews says, “We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all..” (Heb.4:15 The Message)

The Lord understands. He doesn’t grow angry at our tears. He wipes them from our eyes—and even cries with us. But, in the midst of that, He also call us higher. 

Let’s look again at Hebrews. This time the whole verse and the one after: “We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.” (Heb. 4:15-16)

When Jesus was on earth, He experienced all that we experienced! There is one big difference though—He responded without sin. Because of this, we can too. 

It isn’t that everything will be easy. It isn’t that we won’t experience frustration or difficulties or pain. But, even in the midst of all of that, we choose how we respond. We can choose to rejoice, pray, and give thanks. 

Rejoice. Be glad. Choose joy. This isn’t just an outward, fake smile. This isn’t pretending that everything is okay. This is actually a reflection of your faith. You are glad, full of joy, because your faith won’t allow anything else. Your faith knows that God is good. Your faith sees beyond the current moment. You faith trusts that the Lord will prevail and your life will display His goodness and glory! Dwell on this and it won’t be long before your emotional state matches your mindset. God is good and this is reason enough to rejoice!

Pray. Let your life be a prayer. Stay in constant connection with the Lord. Talk, yell, cry. Listen. Shape and be shaped by the reality of heaven touching earth through your prayers. 

Give thanks. Thankful for what? Well, you could start by being thankful for Jesus. Thankful that He understands. That He is with you and He cares. Thankful that He freely gives mercy and grace in abundance. Start by being thankful about that and you may be amazed at how many other reasons you find through be thankful after. 

God’s will for us is to trust Him. To stay connected to Him and live according to a higher reality. So, today, I encourage you to do just that. 

Action Step: Rejoice, Pray, and Give Thanks!  

Whatever your day holds, make a purposeful choice to do these things. If you face trials, tragedies, or frustrations, don’t deny your experience! But, instead of growing angry or defeated, pause. Go to the Lord for the grace you need. Then choose joy. Pray. Be thankful. As you cultivate these values and responses in your heart, you will find it impact the atmosphere in your home, too. As a result, your home will become a safer (and more fun!) place to be.

A Devotional for Moms: A Good Work

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Verse Highlight:

Philippians 1:6 “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (NASB)

Amplified Version: “I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus [the time of His return].”

Dear Moms,

I like to plan. I don’t really like to commit to the plan, necessarily, but I like there to be a plan, even if it is just in my head. And then I like for things to go according to plan—unless I am the one who has dictated otherwise. I like a clean house. I like it when children obey immediately every time. I like it when we get in a really good day of homeschool and are still done early! I like it when everyone is healthy and when every one gets along (no bickering) and when there are periods of quiet in the house (because people are all quietly behaving themselves). I could go on, but you get it. 

And, thankfully, most days do go well! But, rarely do they go completely according to plan. And, the truth is they aren’t meant to! Life is not an artificially scripted experience. And, thank God for this!

Life is a journey where the Lord leads, guides, teaches, corrects, comforts, and loves us as we grow. It is on the journey that maturity and completion come. 

Biblically speaking, perfection means “completion, finished, accomplished, fulfilled, to bring to an end” etc. It is what something becomes as it grows & matures—it’s end state. But, to grow & mature you must, well, grow & mature! You must go through process. And, process is often messy. It rarely goes according to plan. But, if you embrace it, you will find joy in its beauty, even in the midst of the messiness!

Understanding this is essential because it will allow you to make room for the journey—yours, your kids’, and everyone else’s! No longer will you be defeated if a day doesn’t go according to plan. Instead, you will see it as an opportunity for growth & grace to win the day. 

There is a key to success: Trust God. Put your faith in Him, and not in a generic way. Put your journey in His hands. After all, He is the one that will bring you to your finished state. The Voice Bible says that God “will not stop in mid-design but will keep perfecting you ”. I love that because it indicates that there is a plan. It just may or may not match yours. 

This is good news for you because it takes the pressure off! You don’t need to aim for perfection. You don’t need to panic if things don’t go according to plan. And, you aren’t even ultimately in charge of the “grand plan”. This is good news for you personally because you can have confidence that the Lord is with you & will equip you & help you to grow to maturity. You don’t need to be put off by your lack, or messy (even ugly) parts. Instead, trust Him to lead you, guide you, and finish the work He has started in you as He does. (This doesn’t mean you don’t have a part to play, by the way. You will find that following Him is very good, but often not easy as it requires you to do things His way—which requires a lot of growing & stretching as you change to be like Him.)

This is good news for your kids too. First because it makes room for a household that celebrates growing instead of perfection. And, secondly, because it means the Lord can be trusted with their journey, too. This takes the pressure off of you & them. Instead of needing to micromanage, worry, and control their lives, you are free to stay an engaged & loving parent who is partnering with the Lord in their lives. This doesn’t make parenting easy. But, it does remove the wrong type of pressure, leaving room for more freedom, joy, and love in the journey. 

You’ve got this mama! No matter where you’re at, its never too late to trust the Lord. So take a deep breath & trust that the Lord’s grace will carry you & your kids as you learn, grow, and love each other this week.

Action Step: Make Room for Perfection.

As said above, perfection is completion. It is a result of maturing. Maturing happens because of process. Your kids will mature as they are given more opportunity & responsibility. You will mature as you learn, grow & change, too. So, this week: make room for growth. Find one practical way to make space for both you & your kids to grow! 

For example: Give your children a new chore to do. This may be something they do with you or something you show them how to do & then trust them to do on their own. The important thing is to allow them to grow into it. Don’t be so concerned with the lack of immediate perfection. Instead, celebrate their progress. Guide them, but give them room to grow & mature in doing it. 

For yourself, it may mean being honest with yourself (& others). Give up the pressure of having to look like you have it all together. If there is an area of struggle, be honest about it! Ask the Lord to help teach you first & formost—and then actually follow Him as He leads in that area. Also, you may want to have a conversation with your spouse or others where you share your struggle, admit that you are messy in this area & are processing it with the Lord. Ask them simply to give you space and grace as you go. You may be amazed at how giving yourself permission & making room for the process will actually lead you to an increased maturity in an area. 

A Devotional for Moms: Are Your Eyes Light?

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Verse Highlight:

Matthew 6:19-24 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.” (emphasis mine)

The Message “Don’t hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it’s safe from moth and rust and burglars. It’s obvious, isn’t it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being. Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have! You can’t worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you’ll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can’t worship God and Money both.”

Dear Moms, 

I have read Matthew 6 and the chapters around in countless times, yet they continue to both challenge and deeply encourage me! I encourage you take time to read them too! But, for the sake of this devotional though, we are going to focus mainly on the above verses. 

These verses are speaking about storing treasure in heaven rather than on earth and then there is a seemingly random passage about eyes. What? How does this fit? What does one have to do with the other?

Our eyes are so important. What we see helps to shape the way we see and understand the world around us.  This is why it can be so damaging for kids (and us!) to watch things that are immoral or even simply without context or understanding. Is is important that we are thoughtful with what we allow before our eyes. But, it is also important that we train our eyes in how to see. 

Have you ever noticed that different people experience the same circumstances differently? It is amazing how this happens! But, we all know this is true. We all have someone in our life somewhere who constantly sees things from a negative point of view. (If you don’t, there is a good chance that you are this person!) This isn’t actually a bad thing. God wired people differently and certain personalities tend in this direction—which means that there is good reason for it. 

However, it also means that you may need to work harder than others to train your eyes in how they see. And, the truth is, this is something we all need to consciously do because the way we see determines the light we carry. And, if the light inside of us is dark, how great is the darkness! This is because we are the source of the darkness and we don’t even realize that what we are seeing is darkness! We think it is what light looks like!

And, the cost of our eyes being dim is great. We practice righteousness for the applause of man instead of heaven. We focus on the wrong things & become consumed with the cares of this world. We worry and strive and end up hating and despising the very One we think we are serving. 

Yikes! But, there is good news. It is this: we get to control how we see. We can train our eyes to see with light. The question is how do we do this? 

“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” Matthew 6:34 The Message

One way we train our eyes to see correctly is by focusing on what God is doing right now. And if you can’t see what He is doing it’s because you haven’t been paying attention. So, today, I want to invite you to open your eyes and see. He is with you! Stop, take a deep breath and close your eyes right now, just for a second. 

Did you feel His Presence? If not, try it again (and again!)—however long you have to try before you do. It might just be a glimpse of Him, but that’s all you need. It’s the start. Recognizing that God is with you and looking for Him, straining to see what He is doing—it will change the way you see. Rather than lack, you will see an opportunity for Him to provide. Rather than stress, you will lean into His grace. Rather than fear, you will find His unshakable love. 

I don’t know what you are facing today. I don’t know what this season of motherhood looks like. But, I do know that the Lord is with you. He loves you. He loves your kiddos. So, let this thought strengthen and encourage you today. No matter what is happening in your world and the world in general, the Lord is near and if you open your eyes to it, you will be filled with wonder, belief, and light as you see all that He is doing. 

You’ve got this, Mama! And, more importantly, He’s got this. And He’s got you, too. Just open your eyes and see. 

Action Step: One way to train our eyes is by praying the Lord’s Prayer regularly. (I’ve mentioned this in previous devotionals.) So, I encourage you to pray this prayer each day. 

Matthew 6:9-13 “Pray, then, in this way: ‘Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. ‘Your kingdom come. Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. ‘Give us this day our daily bread. ‘And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. ‘And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. [For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.’]”

As you pray it, change it into your own words so you are processing—and believing—the words you are praying! You will be amazed at how these simple words will change the way you see and grow faith in your heart. 

A Devotional for Moms: Love Believes the Best (in You!)

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Verse Highlight: 1 Corinthians 13:7 “[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (NASB)

New Living Translation: “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 

The Passion Translation: “Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.”

Dear Moms,

1 Corinthians 13 gives us quite a list about love. It’s kind of like a recipe. These things make up love. And, like most recipes, all of the ingredients are important! If you take one out or try and substitute it for something else, the end product won’t be quite the same. It won’t be as good. All the ingredients are important, but perhaps the one that amazes me the most is the one above. I wonder how many of the other ingredients flow from it. 

Belief indicates trust. It is about having confidence in something in such a way that you place trust in them. This kind of belief is not a mild “this could happen”. It isn’t an idle hope. 

Think for a moment of the people in your life that have believed in you—truly believed. These type of people tend to be rare. I had a teacher once that saw more in me than I saw in myself & took the time to speak to me about the possibilities for my future. She spoke in a “if you pursue this, you will be successful” type of a way. Not a “maybe or could”. Jamey & I have had the amazing privilege of having older people come into our lives in a similar way at various times in our life. They would encourage us and add strength to us by the faith they placed in us. This is a remarkable thing! It marks you and changes you.

Do you know that the Lord looks at you & believes in you? Think about this: the Lord loves your children. He created them. They are, in fact, His children. Yet—He gave them to you!

On occasion, I have left my kids with others while Jamey & I have been out of town. It is always a difficult process. Even though we have amazing people in our life—that love our kids & I know will do great with them—it just isn’t the same. Eight kids (well, less that need watching now) is a lot to manage. Bed times & meals & routines—there are a lot of details! What happens if they get sick? Or something happens? It can be stressful!

In fact, there are many more opportunities to go than Jamey & I take simply because it is so costly to leave. Yet, the Lord willingly gave us His kids! 

He trusts us to take care of them. To love them. To nurture them. To teach them & guide them. He trusts us to lead them to Him. This must mean that He sees more in us than we often see in ourselves. 

God isn’t reluctant with you. He wholeheartedly believes in you. He is with you on your journey, equipping & teaching you—correcting when needed—but mostly? Mostly, I think, He is cheering you on. If you listen, you can hear Him.

The Lord trusts you, so you should believe the best in yourself too! And, you should trust Him, too. Trust that He is with you. Trust that He knew what He was doing when He created you. And, trust that it was not an accident when He gave you His children to be yours. 

“Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.” Let the Lord’s love be your safe shelter. As you do, you will become a safe shelter for your kids (and others!) too.

Action Step: Train your brain! It may seem silly, but I want you to repeat the following words to yourself, “The Lord loves me. I am His beloved. He knows me, trusts me & believes the best in me. He is with each moment of the journey. I can trust Him & believe the best about myself, my life, and my future.”

The Lord is cheering you on, and so am I! May you encounter the Lord & His love for you this week bringing healing, refreshment, and great joy.

A Devotional for Moms: Grace is Found in Perfection

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Verse Highlight: 

Matthew 5:48 “Therefore, you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Dear Moms, 

This verse can put quite the pressure on a person! Especially because it was spoken by Jesus Himself, right after He shared quite a few impossible instructions on how to live. Among other things, He compared anger to murder (vs. 21-22), lust to adultery (vs. 27-28), and commanded that His followers love their enemies! This was radical teaching then—and it still is! While the words are no longer new, truly living this way remains a challenge. Was Jesus commanding the impossible? Is this something that can only be fulfilled in heaven? 

Well, yes. And no. Jesus certainly was instructing us to live in a way that can only truly happen through supernatural transformation. But, part of the reason we have such a hard succeeding at this is because of the way we understand perfection.  We think of it as something you start off with, or that it is attained baby keeping something without blemish. When we do something perfectly, we do it correctly the first time, making no mistakes. In this way, a drive for perfection can be detrimental because a) we quickly grow discouraged when things don’t remain perfect (which can cause disillusionment & quitting); and b) it limits our life to a superficial version. We feel pressured to present a specific image to the world around us.  We are reluctant to get involved in things that are beyond our ability to control or contain them. 

But, when Jesus says, “Be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” He is saying, “be complete, fully mature”. And as a Christian, this happens supernaturally through Christ. Because of Him, we are finished & fully mature, lacking nothing. It would be impossible for us to be in need of more than Him! He provided the way to be healed and whole, fully redeemed. 

Yet, we all experience lack. We all can see areas of immaturity in our lives. Places we need to grow. Character that does not quite reflect that nature of the redeemed. How can both be true? 

The truth is that we are saved through faith in Jesus. Immediately. Supernaturally. But, we spend the rest of our days working out our salvation. We spend the rest of our lives becoming more and more whole and complete—being transformed in His Presence, yes. But, also growing as we follow Him & learn His ways. Becoming more like Him through the process of repentance. The more you grow to be like Jesus, the better you will be. For yourself and for everyone else—especially your family! So, my message for you today is twofold:

First, change your definition of perfection. Realize that you and your family are on the journey toward wholeness together and there is no shame in the journey! You are more mature this year than you were last. The same will be true next year. This is reason to be encouraged because it means that the best will always remain ahead of you. You are going from glory to glory, so celebrate growth and make that the standard of your home, not perfection!

Second, recognize that the Lord is deeply invested in your process and your wholeness happens only because of Him! His grace on your life—His kindness—to you will lead you into maturity, if only you will follow Him. Because He gives you such grace, you should also give grace to yourself! (In other words: Be kind to yourself!!) And, give grace to others too. Intentionally cultivate grace in your home and you will be amazed at how far a little kindness will go. 

Today’s Action Step: 

Celebrate growth! Take some time to recognize areas where you / your family members have grown and celebrate it! Acknowledge it with some kind words and maybe even a celebratory dinner or fun family night. If you have had more value for perfection than growth, this is a good time to reset that. It won’t take long before an atmosphere of grace will grow!

You’ve got this! Lead by example by receiving grace from the Lord and extending it to others—starting with yourself. 

Blessings to you as you do!

A Devotional for Moms: “Suddenly” happens on the Journey–so does Grace!

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Verse Highlight:

John 1:17 “For of [Christ’s] fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.  For the Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were realized [or came into being] through Jesus Christ.”

Dear Moms, 

My husband recently shared a story about what childbirth has been like for me. I don’t know what your process has been like, but I’m do know that it has had beauty and pain unique to you and your journey. In my case, my body doesn’t go into labor on its own and when I am in labor, it is back labor that doesn’t easily progress. As a result, my labor is induced and tends to be lengthy without much progress at all until, suddenly. Suddenly! Things start to happen. I once had a nurse check me because of the pain and urge to push that I was experiencing. She was doubtful that anything had happened, but checked me because I asked. She quickly told me to close my legs and not push, as she rushed to get the doctor because I was “suddenly” completely dilated and ready. 

The truth is that none of my labors, personally, were sudden. They all took hours of time (and Pitocin and other help) to occur. Yet, they often felt “sudden” when it was time for the baby to actually come. This is a lot like motherhood—and life in general, for that matter. A lot of motherhood is made up of small moments and the mundane interactions and tasks of daily life. But, then big moments come “suddenly”. Suddenly your infant is a toddler, who suddenly becomes a Preschooler and so on until you are looking at your baby in adult form! 

This is why it is important to make the most of every season. Every season matters. The small moments are what form the basis for the big ones. The relationships that are formed in daily life will become the foundation for your life-long connection. Every season matters and I’ve heard people say that you don’t need to enjoy them all. That it’s enough to simply get through them. And, I understand that. However, I want to challenge that notion. 

The word enjoy has joy right in it! And joy is not merely a fleeting emotion based on circumstances—and thank goodness! Joy is something that you cultivate in your inner life. It is possible to have joy no matter what is happening around you. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying that some (maybe even all?) seasons don’t contain grief or the stress of trials. I’m not talking about a surface smile that betrays the inner struggle or pain that may be happening in your heart. Part of your journey is learning how to experience the fullness of emotions without letting them shipwreck your journey! But, it is possible to have joy in every season. I think it is actually important! It is part of growing your character. Learning how to be content in every season. Learning how to live with peace and joy in your daily life—always. 

The good news is that there is grace for this. The bad news is that grace is received in a process. 

John 1:16-17 “And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth. John testified about Him and cried out, saying, “This was He of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me has a higher rank than I, for He existed before me.’” For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace. For the Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were realized through Jesus Christ.”

Of Jesus’s fullness we have received, and grace upon grace. Of Jesus’s fullness you have received, and grace upon grace. This passage isn’t talking about motherhood or daily life. But, His grace works the same way. You have already received everything you need through Jesus. He is the key to joy, peace, love, contentment, mercy, grace, provision, and so on. He is the key to everything! So, today, I want to challenge you to find in Him all that you need to face your day with grace. And even with joy. Before you know it, this season will have passed and you will “suddenly” find yourself in a new one, so don’t miss the treasures this season contains while it is here!

Today’s Action Step:

Start a habit of thankfulness. Each day, spend time genuinely thanking the Lord for specific people, opportunities, and so on. You will find that as you do this, your heart will change. You will find it grows with affection and true gratitude to the Lord for His Presence and the gifts He has given in every area of your life. 

I don’t know what your day faces or what this season is like for you. I know these past two years have created some sort of weariness in all of us. But, this is a new year filled with new opportunities to find grace and joy in it all. You’ve got this, Mama! Grace to you! May you find joy in each season, starting with today! ❤️

Family Devotionals — Tips & “How Tos”

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I can (faintly) remember regular uninterrupted quiet times: early morning prayer times, late nights in the Word. In depth Bible studies & rich community life around them. Then I had children. 

It would be an exaggeration to say that this completely stopped, but the form it took certainly changed. I’ve since discovered that—like most things—my “quiet times” or personal “devotion” times change from season to season. In some ways this has created a much deeper & more authentic connection with the Lord for me. I have learned how to connect with Him throughout my days, not just in uninterrupted time blocks. The result of this is a relationship that is much more “real” than religious. And sometimes (for example: adjusting to a new baby, going through a sickness, etc.) it is all you can do to maintain any type of connection to the Lord because there is no capacity for more than the whispered prayers of your heart. And the good news is that the Lord remains constant even in seasons like this! He is gentle & kind, faithful & full of mercy & grace. 

But, those seasons should be temporary. It is important to find ways to prioritize your connection with the Lord in more proactive ways. One way that I do this is by having consistent “Family Devotionals”. Let me warn you: this is not for the faint of heart! Kids (especially younger kids) are not built to sit quietly for long periods of time. Life doesn’t stop simply because you open your Bible or turn your heart towards the Lord in prayer. But, let me also encourage you: not only does it grow better over time, but the rewards of this time are immeasurable (both here & now & in eternity someday)!

So, today I am going to share a few things I’ve learned over the years with hopes that it will help you to create special times of connection between you, your family, and the Lord. 

  1. Create a Consistent Time, Place & Name

First, it is very helpful to create a consistent time and place to have family devotionals. Notice that I said “create” not find. Rarely will you find time for anything. Life is usually too busy for that! Instead, you will need to create time for the things you value. And this should be something you value greatly! So, create time in your schedule for regular “Family Devotions”. Also, you don’t need to call it “Family Devotions” but do create a name for this time! That way your family will begin to understand the expectations around this experience. I also recommend stocking up on Bibles (children’s versions if you have younger kids), journals, coloring supplies, worship music & any other supplies that will be helpful to have on hand during this time. (Create a space to keep these, too. That way each time your Family Devotional is set to begin, everything you need is on hand already.)

Also, it is okay to start small and work your way up. What I mean by this is that you don’t need to find hours of time each day in order to feel like you are successful. Instead, maybe you start once a week and work your way up from there. It’s also okay if you don’t ever do it every day! The point is to create consistent points of connection between you, your family & the Lord; to show value for the Lord; and to create space to help your children learn practical skills for connecting with the Lord in His Word, in prayer, and in times of worship. 

  1. Consistent Values, Various Methods

Determine from the beginning what values are driving your Family Devotional time. Why is this important for you & your family? Once that is clearly answered you may need to experiment a little bit to find the best way(s) to accomplish your goal. Also, as your children grow in age & in their understanding of & relationship to the Lord, the way this time is structured should changed, too. Also, it can simply be fun to use different methods from time to time. Perhaps you want to use a devotional book where everything is already prepared for you. Maybe you will read through a specific book of the Bible together. Whatever method you use, I recommend that you make sure your time includes:

  • Prayer—Make sure to start your time together with prayer. It can simply be a “Thank you, Father that you are with us. We turn our hearts to you right now & ask for you to speak to us & help us understand your heart & words. Draw us close to you & each other during this time. Amen.” It is also good to spend time in prayer for people or situations that you know that need prayer, as well as to regularly spend time thanking the Lord and worshiping Him with your words. I do recommend that you find ways to let everyone participate (out loud), though not everyone needs to participate each time. Also, remember that prayer should be talking & listening! (And I highly recommend sharing what you are hearing the Lord say with each other & taking note of what is said in a journal or something. I have had the Lord speak powerfully in my life by listening to what my young kids were sharing during times like this!)
  • Worship—Worship is often associated with music and for good reason. This was true even in Biblical times. If you are able to lead worship musically yourself, that can be helpful for this time! My husband sometimes does this for us on the guitar. Otherwise, I will play different worship music (using my phone) and the kids & I will lead worship that way. There are some very powerful songs that can help create special moments in God’s Presence this way! It is helpful also to play the same music often enough that you are familiar with it & can easily sing along & have a general understanding of what the song is about. I also allow my kids to dance or draw & color during times of worship, encouraging them to make sure what they are doing is in connection to worship of the Lord. I don’t enforce any specific rules over standing or sitting, etc. as I long ago learned that what was happening outwardly may not accurately reflect what is happening inwardly. However, I do make my kids participate with this time. Also, it is important to note that music is not necessary for times of worship! Reading a Psalm, sharing prayers of worship, writing a poem in praise of the Lord, etc…there are many ways to worship. So don’t feel constrained by what your picture of “worship” may be. The important thing is to connect your heart in awe & wonder of the Lord and then express that awe to Him!
  • The Word—One of the main ways that the Lord connects with us & teaches us is through the Bible. It can be difficult for us to understand how precious this book truly is, simply because we have such easy access to it. But, the Words in it are of such great value that people in other nations will risk their lives for it! That isn’t because it is a religious text, but because it contains the very words of God—the words of life. But, with that said, getting through it can be difficult. It was written in other languages, to people of other cultures and time periods so it shouldn’t be surprising that it can be difficult to understand! The good news is that there are a lot of tools to help. If you are new to reading the Bible, I encourage you to find a devotional book that can help you understand as you read. It is also helpful to start reading in one of the four gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke or John (at the beginning of the New Testament). Also, I personally love to read in different translations. (There are apps that make this possible for free too, like Bible Gateway.) 

Our family uses a Bible Reading Plan for our family devotional now, as so many of our children are now old enough to read on their own. We open in prayer, spend some time in worship, then will read on our own (the little ones read in a children’s Bible, color or look at books during this time) then come back and share what stuck out to us as we read, and then close in a time of prayer. However, for years, this wasn’t the case. Instead, I shared a Bible story or passage & we had discussion / activity around it. (Sometimes these were from a devotional book, but often we just created them on our own as we went.) Whatever method you use, take some time to learn about the Bible a bit/use tools to help you & your family grow comfortable & confident reading the Bible personally. 

  • Connection—This may go without saying, but the point of doing Family Devotionals is to create connection with God and also each other! It is helpful to keep this in mind because that will change the way you approach this time. It isn’t about you simply connecting with the Lord. You also want to connect your hearts with each other too. This means that you value what is happening with your family during this time too! As you patiently listen to them & invite them into the process, you will find that your relationship with both them and the Lord deepens as a result!
  1. Keep Little Hands Busy

Practically speaking, it is always helpful to have a plan to keep little hands busy! The ultimate goal is for your kids to learn how to (quietly, when appropriate!) connect with the Lord themselves. But, younger children may have difficulty sitting quietly for the duration of your Family Devotional time. To avoid frustration at this, be prepared to keep them busy! Provide coloring materials, books to look at, or other “quiet” activities to keep them busy. Let them move around (as quietly as possible). Encourage them to dance & participate when possible during times of worship. Include them in short prayers. The point is to make them a part of this time, but don’t get frustrated if they are not at the development level needed for your ideal devotional time. Instead, find ways to engage them & then let them be. As they grow the way they engage will grow too, and you don’t want this time to be one that is filled with conflict or dread for either of you. 

  1. Teach, model, then let your kids make it their own. 

There are many benefits to creating consistent Family Devotionals. You will find it is good for your heart and relationships! However, one of the purposes of this time is to empower & equip your children to connect with the Lord personally themselves—long after they are no longer living in your home. This means that you need to find ways to help them to “do the stuff” themselves so that they grow comfortable and confident in their own prayer lives and connection with the Bible, etc. Because of this, it is extremely helpful to teach them but not try to control them! Their relationship may look different than yours! Their expressions of worship may look different! Perhaps they dance before the Lord or use other creative expressions. Their time in the Bible may look different! Maybe they find life in a Bible Translation you don’t. And so on and so forth. With this in mind, consider the values you are trying to instill in your kids: a love for the Bible? A personal connection with God? A heart of worship? A fruitful prayer life? (And so on.) Ask the Lord to help draw your kids into those thing, then do your best to lead, but trust Him to be the One to actually establish that firm foundation in your children’s hearts & lives. Also, it is important to note that your children will learn from you both as you intentionally teach them and as you live. So do your best to live and grow in these values in your personal life, too. 

  1. Family Devotionals are not a task but a value, so stick with it!!

You are growing a relationship not merely passing down a religion. So, value the experience & use the experience to practice your values! Remember, children loved Jesus! And He loved them. This is just as true today as it was then! So, these times should be fun & full of life, light & connection. Keeping this in mind during your Family Devotional times helps you to value the right things and let go of the things that maybe seem important but actually aren’t. What a bummer if your Family Devotions end up bringing out the worst in your family as you struggle to control behavior and people. That is a sign that something is off. Unfortunately, this time won’t always go the way you hope or want. Some days will be better than others. Sometimes you will see amazing fruit & sometimes you will wonder if anything good is happening. But, if you stick with it, it will be worth it. You will do far more than pass down a religious practice or family value. You will connect your hearts firmly to one another and the Savior Himself. 

Blessings to you!

Devotional for Moms: January Week One: Grace

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Verse Highlight: 

2 Cor. 9:8 “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed “

Dear Moms,

A long time ago, the Lord promised me that there would always be enough grace for me. This is quite a promise if you understand what it means. Grace means kindness, specifically God’s kindness. It is not something you earn or deserve. You don’t (can’t!) work your way into it. Instead, it is based wholly on the character of the Lord. On His goodness & faithfulness. On His love for you. It is much like the most pure moments of love that you have had for your own child, when you are not thinking of yourself, but are overflowing with unselfish love—ready & willing to do whatever you can on their behalf. In those moments, you can almost feel your heart grow, just like the Grinch’s did that Christmas in Whoville. 

But, the kindness of the Lord is even better because it isn’t fleeting! It is steadfast & sure—just like He is. There are no nights of not enough sleep or character issues that are being worked out. There is no lack of resource or patience or wisdom. There is no selfishness mixed in with His love or kindness. His love is pure. His kindness is dependable. But, there is a secret to it! 

The secret is this: Receiving it depends on you. Moreover, you must open your heart to receive it each day. Sometimes moment by moment. 

Being a mom is not easy. Nor is it for the faint of heart. And, the truth is, you are not prepared for what it requires of you! It’s not possible to be—at least not completely—because you develop the “muscles” (skills, character, wisdom, love, etc.) on the job. You grow as you go. But, this is a lot easier and more fun and more rewarding and better all the way around, if you don’t do it on your own. To be honest, I don’t know how people without faith do it! It is only the grace of God that has allowed my journey to be so full of life and beauty and joy. I shudder to think of what it would be like without Him.

That doesn’t mean it’s always easy, even with Him. But, it means that I have confidence that He will see me through. That He will see my kids through. That He will provide everything we need, as we need it. That He will cover us and teach us and guide us. That His kindness will be found true. 

And it is. Every single time. 

Sometimes I don’t see it right away so I have to blindly trust that it’s there. (And, in hindsight, it does become clear!) Sometimes, I forget. I do things in my own strength. I get proud and forget how much I need Him. Or things will go wrong & instead of trusting His Kindness, I throw myself a pity party. Even in those times though, His Kindness is never far away. 

It isn’t far away from you, either. So, with a new year still stretching out before us, all sparkly with possibilities, I have a challenge for you. One that is actually a promise. Trust that His grace is enough. Start each day with it. Receive it fresh as often as needed as you go throughout your day!

Prove 2 Corinthians 9:8 true “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed” (emphasis mine).

Today’s Action Steps:

Start each day with this prayer:“Father, thank you that your Kindness is with me today, in moments big and small. Help me to depend on You, trusting that Your kindness will be there to guide, comfort, and provide for me. I open my heart to receive fresh grace today and I ask you to empower me to be a source of grace for others, too—especially my family. Thank you for your faithfulness to me. I love you. Amen,” Then, repeat this (or a version of it) as often as needed. 

You may not realize it, but you’ve got this, Mama! Grace to you as you go about your day & week!

12 Days of Christmas Family Fun: Giving

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I used to be concerned with how much stuff my kids would accumulate over Christmas. The problem (in my eyes) was that their grandparents spoiled them! And, Jamey & I wanted in on the fun of giving gifts, too! By the time Christmas was over, the amount of gifts was quite staggering. How could I ever raise kids that are generous, thankful and good stewards of what they have been given in circumstances like these?

I do think these are important values to raise my kids with. But, over time, I have realized that my concerns are misplaced. I wanted to limit something in order for something else to grow. And that isn’t how it works. No matter what your circumstances—plenty or want, good times or bad—you need to purposely cultivate the character you would like to produce. And a good place to start is by cultivating it in your life, too! That way you and your family are on the journey together. And at the end of it there will be authentic, tangible results. 

At Christmas—and all the time—it is important to cultivate generosity towards others! This included people both inside and outside of your home. It encompasses finances, certainly. But, it also is much bigger. It is about respect and kindness, humility and thankfulness. There are so many things to be said on this topic! But, for the sake of this short blog, I will only be concentrating on a couple practical things that are mainly financial in nature. Please know that generosity in finances is important, but (in my opinion) it is possible to give financially without actually being generous of heart, which misses much of the point. Cultivating a generous and kind heart in ourselves and our children is a lifelong mission, not just a Christmas time activity. 

With that said, here are some practical ways to practice generosity: 

  1. Teach your kids to share.

Obviously, I know. But, this is a skill that needs to be developed. It is not always easy to share! It is not particularly easy to share the things most precious to us or when things are demanded of us. Teaching our kids to share and be generous even when they don’t feel like it, is important. (This extends beyond sharing stuff into sharing time, skill, care, etc.)

  1. Don’t be concerned with “fair”.

We tell our children that we aren’t concerned about life being fair and they shouldn’t be either. Instead, we will treat everyone well. It isn’t possible to do both because inevitably what is good for one child isn’t for another. Opportunities are are not always equal or controllable. So, instead of worrying about fair—how many gifts each child gets, for example—we will do our best to treat everyone well. 

  1. Give “as you go” / when the opportunity presents itself. 

We make it a habit to keep money, gift cards, necessities with us as we go places and as we see people in need, we freely give it. If possible we pray with the person or offer a kind word as well, but no matter what it is important to treat people with value! There is no need for judgement and kindness is the rule. This also shouldn’t be treated as a big deal, either. It is simply treating others the way we want to be treated. 

  1. Give gifts of love. 

These can be small. They don’t need to be expensive. They can be handmade—treats, cards, pictures, etc. Several times around different holidays the kids and I have put together small care packages for friends and neighbors. Sometimes it is a homemade treat. Other times it is small gifts we have purchased (a favorite card game, for example). Every time it is planned and prepared with love. A token to say, “We are thankful for you! Thank you for being in our lives.” We drive around and deliver them, usually as a surprise, and it is so much fun for all of us!

  1. Give intentionally to causes & organizations you care about. 

There are so many options out there that it can be overwhelming! But, the good news is that there are a lot of great options—from large organizations (like charitywater) to small single person run businesses (like Red Moon Weaving), you don’t need to have a large budget to contribute in significant ways. We give our kids the opportunity to give, but even when they are unable to contribute financially, I occasionally mention different organizations we support financially so that our children a) feel like they are a part of it (because they are!) and, b) as a part of helping our kids learn healthy financial habits. 

No matter your philosophy around gifts this Christmas, generosity is important all year long. Blessings to you and your family as you practice it together!