I Thess. 5:16-18 (NLT) Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

NASB Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Thanks = be grateful, feel thankful.

Talking about practicing thankfulness feels kind of well, silly, to me. I don’t know why. I blame the fad Oprah (I think) started when I was growing up. Suddenly “Gratitude Journals” abounded & everywhere I went people were recommending that you write down something you are thankful for every day before you went to sleep. Now, here’s the thing: Oprah—or whoever—was absolutely correct. Thankfulness is an important value to cultivate and practice! The Bible even commands it (see above). I think, along with my own orneriness, I was reacting to the idea that thankfulness is somehow a stepping stone to more. I don’t think anyone intentionally taught this. But, somehow I would hear people talking about thankfulness along these lines: Once you learn how to be content & thankful for where you are / what you have then you will be “promoted” into more. As though fate was just waiting for you to begin using those gratitude journals & suddenly you would become rich / famous / loved / powerful, etc. Again, I don’t think this was intentional. But, it left a distaste in me all the same. The truth is that thankfulness isn’t a key to promotion. It isn’t something to be manipulated in order for you to get your way. However, it will change your life. The reason thankfulness will change your life is because it will change you. For example:

A day doesn’t go by when I am not thankful for my family. Truly. Here’s why: My family is an unexpected, hard “earned” (for lack of a better word), amazing, better than I could or would have planned, blessing.

See, I didn’t think I wanted to have children. My becoming a mom started as I walked in obedience to the Lord—with much fear & reluctance. And the result was that I discovered motherhood to be a greater blessing than I ever could have imagined. I discovered parts of myself I never knew. I grew intimately connected with the Lord. And, of course, I ended up with these amazing people! My journey hasn’t been easy—there have been many losses & much heartbreak along the way. Yet, the Lord’s goodness has not only sustained me but been my glory each step of the way. So when I say my children are a gift, I mean it in the very core of my being. This deep & abiding thankfulness has added such a joy to my days. And nights. Because of this heart attitude, being up in the night with my youngest (far after she “should” have been sleeping through the night) had a sacred element to it, my heart looking at her & nearly bursting with thankfulness that the Lord had given her to us. And it isn’t just that. I could go on and on with examples, but you get the point. It isn’t that I never have my “moments”. We all do. But, I can say with 100% confidence that the thankfulness I have in my heart has elevated my experience, my home, and my relationships more than can be calculated.

The same is true of my marriage. I am well aware that Jamey & I almost didn’t make it to this point. I not only can’t imagine my life without him, but the thankfulness that I have for him and our marriage brings so much joy & life into our relationship. It also creates such a confidence in the Lord, in His ways, & His provision. I am also filled with such great anticipation of hope & confidence in our future! But this isn’t just because things are good now. I learned thankfulness in the midst of the worst times. It felt like the world was falling apart around me and yet—God. He was with me. He sustained me. He forgave me & gave abundant mercy. He offered hope & promises for the future. He faithfully loved me & Jamey both. I will never get over His great kindness towards me! And, really, that’s what thankfulness is. It is an awareness of God’s goodness. Always. That He is faithful & trustworthy & ever so good.

So, my self-care tip today is to practice thankfulness. Do it in a gratitude journal. Do it in your prayers. Do it in creative or simple ways. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you do it in your heart. Don’t practice thankfulness hoping life will change. Maybe it will. But, it won’t matter, because you will change. And once that happens? Well, you will find that perhaps your life was already everything you needed & even more.

Ephesians 5:30 “Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted.” (The Message)

There are a lot of reasons not to sin. It creates all kinds of messes. It hurts people. But, there are no reasons quite as moving as this one. Sin disrupts the most intimate part of your life.

The Holy Spirit is with us always—shaping us, comforting us, teaching us. When we sin, we are taking Him for granted. We are disrupting that relationship. We are disrupting such an intimate connection that it is actually impossible for it not to affect us negatively, even if we don’t realize it. It is like a poison that permeates its way through our lives. After all, the wages of sin is death.

But, Jesus. Jesus died to make us free. He paid the penalty for our sins! He made the way for His Holy Spirit to become an intimate part of us! What a tragedy when we continue to labor under the delusion that either:

a) sin is not a big deal or,

b) it is too hard/scary/uncomfortable/fill-in-the-blank to confess our sin, make it right, & be free.

Jesus didn’t die to bring us freedom someday. He died to bring it to us now. So, this self-care tip is both incredibly hard & the most easy thing you will ever do: Make things right.

Stop carrying sin around! It might take great courage to do this. However, the simple truth is that Jesus is the one who did the actual hard part. Our part is to acknowledge what He did by honoring it—& Him—by not living under the shadow of sin.

How do we do this?
1. Know what the issue is. Maybe you already know something that you need to make right. A confession of wrong doing. Admitting a mistake. Reaching out to a broken relationship. Or, perhaps nothing comes immediately to mind. In that case, simply ask the Lord if there is something. The Holy Spirit knows & He will show you. (You don’t need to make something up if it isn’t there!) If there is a list of things, that’s okay! Don’t be discouraged, simply start to make your way through it.

2. Take appropriate steps to make it right. Confess. Apologize. Make amends. If you aren’t sure what you are supposed to do, ask for wisdom. Again, you can trust Him to give it to you! Then, simply do what He asks. If you are unable to do so for some reason—for example, you are no longer in touch with the person—do your best & then entrust it to the Lord. Commit to making it right if & when you can. (Then don’t be surprised if they unexpectedly cross paths with you!)

A couple of things to keep in mind:
First, it isn’t on you to fix everything. You can’t force someone to offer forgiveness or mercy. You may not be able to fix something, even if you had a hand in breaking it. Your job is simply to do your part. Then trust the Lord with the rest. He isn’t at work only in you. He is working in the lives of those around you, too. Trust Him with the process & outcome.

Second, there is no such thing as too little or too big. If something comes to mind, don’t dismiss it because it doesn’t seem like a big deal. Follow through with it! You have no idea how important it might be. It is usually in the “little” areas that our character is formed & proven. Likewise, there is nothing “too big”. It may take courage for you to face something that seems so far out of your control or ability to make right. But, you are not facing it alone. The Lord is with you! And nothing is too big for Him.

There’s a lot more that can be said on the subject, but I think only one last thing is needed. Living with a clean conscious is truly one of the best gifts you can give yourself. It will bring you peace & soothe your soul like few things can. It carries a deep & abiding joy. It reconnects you to the “most intimate part of yourself” & creates the pathway to true health & wholeness. A new year is upon us, don’t let it come before you’ve done this.

A clean slate. A fresh year. The possibilities are endless.

I own clothes in a couple of different sizes. This isn’t just because different brands run their sizes differently, either. It’s because I have given myself permission to exist in a variety of sizes. I’ve spent a lot of time pregnant. This has been both a great joy & a source of some difficult heartbreak. As you can imagine, there has been a lot of transition in our growing home. And even good transition has its challenges! So, the last thing I need (or want!) on top of everything else is a pressure to maintain a specific size. (I also didn’t want to model that for my children, but that is another blog for another day.) It isn’t that I don’t care about this at all. It’s just that it has not been important enough to make it to the top of my priority list. And, because of that, my body has actually taught me some unexpected, but quite valuable lessons. They can all pretty much be summed up in this: It is important to be at peace—and even find joy—in the midst of process.

Let me explain. I have a busy life, as I’m sure you do, as well. I can’t remember the last time that everything on my to do list was completed. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I had a to do list that actually seemed possible to complete. In my roles in both a growing family & a growing church, there is always more to do than time to do it! Life in general demands much from all of us! For this reason, it is essential to learn to prioritize. This is the only way to protect the important parts of life from the urgent tasks that try to demand all of our time. It may be that every task on the to do list feels important—and, maybe they are! But they are not all of equal importance. They can’t be. Some are the main priority for now, others aren’t. Because no one has unlimited capacity, sometimes even things that feel important can be moved down the list from the “must do now” to the the “things to get to someday”.

Because of this, it is important to learn how to live with things undone. With things in process. With things not being the “now” priority yet. This is not easy for someone who likes to accomplish things! But, it is essential, especially for certain seasons of life. This isn’t just helpful for practical matters, either. It is extremely helpful for my journey with the Lord.

I am definitely a work in process. Thankfully, this is a process the Lord is intimately involved in! But, while He is the One that has given me a new nature & transforms me into His image, I am in process of trying to learn the behavior, values, and mindsets that will help me to think & behave accordingly. And, this….well. This is quite the process. It is amazing, daunting, freeing, exhilarating, and it can be more than a bit discouraging if I don’t give myself permission for this to be a process. The fact is, it is good news that it is a process! I couldn’t handle it all at once. But, it can also be discouraging if I focus on all the growing that is left to be done. However, when I learn to be okay with process, then instead of being overwhelmed at how far I have left to go, I trust the Lord with my journey. And thankfully, He is an expert at helping me to get to where I need to be! If I trust Him to lead me—and teach & correct & comfort me in the process—I end up with deep & lasting heart & life transformation. Since I don’t often have the capacity for this in multiple areas of my life at once, I instead trust that the Lord sees me & knows which things are important to address now & what things can be left on the “to do” list for a while longer. In trusting Him in this way, I’ve learned that His grace truly is sufficient! It is sufficient for the stretching & changing that must occur in the areas of current focus. And it is sufficient for the areas that are still on the list. In other words: it is sufficient for the ongoing journey—all of the parts of it.

And here’s the thing: If the Lord is okay with me being in process, who am I not to be? I would much rather do things His way & end up truly transformed, than do it on my own power, even if it appears to be be quicker. I’ve learned that my way only leads to superficial change. An outward cleanliness or order that attempts to mask the inner mess for the sake of comfort. When I try to control the process, I often works against the Lord’s ways & actually prevent the very change I am trying to attain. But, when I trust Him? The results are supernatural.

So, my challenge to you in this month of self-care: Choose to accept the process. You may not like it. It may take time for you to feel okay about it. But, recognize that doing this is actually trusting the Lord! This doesn’t mean you aren’t doing anything, by the way. You are simply not trying to do everything. First steps for this may be: Make a “to do” list. Maybe a couple of lists for different areas of your life. Then, choose what you think are the three most important items on it. Then, spend some time with the Lord & see if His list & His top three match yours. Then ask Him for wisdom & grace to help you to grow/accomplish/focus on those things.

I like a clean & organized house. But, I like a clean & growing heart & home even more. I’ve learned that having a this requires being willing to embrace the messiness of process. So, self-care tip for today is to live by priorities that place people & process above comfort & cleanliness. It will both make the process more bearable & leave you better off in the long run. ❤️☺️

Spiritual care is the most important part of self-care. By a lot! So, why is it so often neglected? Maybe it’s because we make it more difficult than it has to be. This month, take some time each day to connect with the Lord in prayer, worship, reading the Word & even through other people. It doesn’t have to be long or complicated, just authentically engage your heart. ☺️❤️💚🎄

There is a reason the holiday season is considered the best time of the year. Filled with twinkling lights, family traditions, & increased good will, this time of year can be truly magical. Except when it isn’t. Along with the increased cheer can come extra helpings of stress & loneliness. On top of that, the transition into a new year can amplify this as we examine our lives & begin to create plans & goals for the new year. The good news is that we were actually created to not just survive, but thrive in every season. So, stay connected throughout this month for practical tips, healthy values, and simple practices you can put into place in your life to help you to thrive—during the holiday season & beyond.🎄

I have a reputation that is not exactly winter friendly. Its true that I do carry a special place in my heart for sunshine. And warm ocean beaches. And Maui. Just for example. But, I actually do have a fondness for winter, too. After all, what compares to a white Christmas? (Though, now that I think about it, the two Christmases that I spent in warm climates were pretty awesome, too. But, that’s beside the point.) The point is, some of my favorite memories of family time both growing up and as an adult are when we are snowed in at home, cuddled together in front of a fire, watching movies, playing games, baking, etc. I love times like those.

But, here’s the thing: Winter belongs during winter! December through February! I’ll even give you the last week in November and the first week or so in March. But, that’s it. It doesn’t belong during fall. Or spring. (And certainly not during summer!!) If winter would just stay in its lane, we would get along famously. The problem is, it doesn’t. Instead, it is unpredictable. 

I like to be in control. Barring that, I at least want to be able to plan appropriately. I hate when my plans are interrupted unexpectedly. I hate when I am not able to control or even predict what will happen next. 

But, here’s the other thing: Control is always an illusion. Life can’t be controlled. It isn’t meant to be. The journey of life is how you grow and learn. The Lord uses our journey to bring us to places we never would have gotten to on our own, but also wouldn’t be ready for if it wasn’t for the preparation of the journey! Also, people can’t be controlled. Trying to control others is a sure recipe for disaster. I know of few things that bring estrangement so firmly. Even trying to control yourself is a fallacy unless it happens through genuine, inward change (of character, values, habits, and so on). 

The challenge is to learn to embrace each season with joy. To learn to be like the Apostle Paul—content in every season & circumstance. Winter isn’t really my problem. Not even when it happens during fall. The problem is when I allow the outward season to dictate my inward one. 

So, instead, I’m going to choose joy in every season—even the in-between ones.

I hope you are embracing this winter-fall with joy, too! 

Love, Nik