Shortly after my husband and I moved to North Carolina, we found out I was pregnant.  I briefly looked for a job, but then we decided that it would be better if I didn’t work.  For one thing, the number of people who want to hire a pregnant woman who is planning on being a stay-at-home-mom after the baby is born is not high (shocking, I know!).  For another, my pregnancy was considered high-risk and my doctor was advising me to keep my activity level low.  So, I stayed home.  In our apartment (that had only adults living in it, so it took much less effort to keep clean).  Alone.  All day, every day.

There was time to do amazing, fantastic things.  I could learn a new hobby.  Read amazing books.  Cook gourmet meals.  Plot how to take over the world.  Or…I could lay around and watch T.V.  All day, every day.

The truth is, it is much easier to have good intentions then it is to actually do stuff.  What I discovered during that time is that if I didn’t have a schedule of some sort or a “to do” list to guide my day, most of my good intentions stayed just that–good intentions.  However, when I added some basic structure to my day, I actually did some of the great things that I finally had time to do.  I joined small groups at my church.  I read books and wrote letters.  And, while I don’t think any of it would qualify as “gourmet”, I cooked and baked.  (I baked far too often, actually, as evidenced by my amazingly large pregnancy weight gain!  Maybe a little more simple T.V. watching wouldn’t have killed me!)  😉

And, after the baby was born–well, I learned that those months had been valuable training.  I don’t know if you know this, but babies don’t come with manuals.  There are books out there that can be helpful, and people that you can learn from, but no one else can figure out “life with baby” for you.  It is all you.  And, while there are some things that babies (and children!) demand from you–changing diapers, feeding them, etc.–most of your life is dictated by you.  The days are free and in being so free they will either become the “carefree days of childhood” for your kids, or they will stretch out endlessly before you with no end in sight.

The difference is in having a plan.  Each home is going to look different.  Some are more structured then others and that is okay.  But, I believe it is essential for moms and dads–especially “stay-at-home” ones–to have some sort of plan / list to help them with their day.  That is usually the only way that time is spent in the way you hope to spend it.

How do you come up with a plan?  Well, you can ask others or read books.  Or, you can just make it up on your own.  It can be something as complex as having a daily schedule of what you are going to do and the times you are going to do it.  Or, it can be as simple as a to-do list containing the one task you are going to accomplish that day.  Either way, there are a few helpful hints I can give you:

1.  Plan according to what is important to you.  Not what you think you “should” be doing.  (Unless, of course, there are things that you actually should be doing!  Like, giving your child his medicine.  Picking up your child from school.  Etc.) If your list is simply you trying to put together structure to enable you to be “super-parent”, guess what?  It isn’t going to work.  You will become exhausted–and so will your kids.  However, if you put together something that actually reflects the things that are important to you and your family, then it will be a tool to help you not waste your days.

2. Remain flexible.  Once you’ve taken the time to come up with a plan, it can be frustrating if something happens that disrupts said plan.  But, life with kids is never predictable.  They get sick.  The fun project that was supposed to take 30 minutes takes three days–and still isn’t done yet! Etc.  Plans and schedules are supposed to enhance your life, not rule them.  You control them, they don’t control you.  So, if things happen that aren’t on the list?  Take a deep breath, shrug your shoulders and amend your plan accordingly.

3.  Let your plan/schedule change as your life changes.  Life with children is constantly evolving.  Kids are growing up.  They change.  Although we may not always like it, that is what they are supposed to do.  Your plans need to keep up.  Having a “to do” list that includes singing the alphabet song and building a train track with your son is a great thing when he is three or four.  Not so much when he is nine.  You get the point.

Being a parent is meant to be filled with wonder and delight.  Having a plan for the “daily grind” will help to keep your heart connected to your child/children, and make daily life full of joy.

I have been pregnant for over ten years.  Yes, I said ten years.  No, not continuously.  (I’m not a part of the animal kingdom, thank goodness. Did you know that an elephant is pregnant for close to two years?  And some types of shark can be pregnant for over three.  Can you imagine?  Wowsers. If any of you are reading this and happen to be overdue, try and be thankful that modern medicine won’t let you stay pregnant for that long, no matter how much the little guy or gal likes it in there! But, I digress.  Back to my point…)  I only have six children, but I have had almost as many miscarriages as I have healthy pregnancies.  Since my first pregnancy, I have only had a handful of weeks (if that)  that I haven’t been pregnant or nursing a baby.  It has been quite the decade! 

As you can imagine, being in “baby mode” for so long has had its affect on our entire family.  Having a pregnant mom is not the same as a non-pregnant one.  (A pregnant wife is different, too!)  When there is a newborn in the family, things tend to revolve around them, at least somewhat.  There are feedings and diapers and naps to consider.  And our house!  Don’t even get me started on all the stuff that come with kids nowadays.  Diapers and changing tables, clothes and highchairs, etc.  Our family hasn’t really known what life outside of “baby mode” is like.  Our children also don’t know what it is like to grow-up in a smaller family.  I know from experience what it is like to grow up in a smaller family, having only one sibling myself.  I also know from experience, slight though it may have been, what it is like to be a mom of: one child, two children, three children, four children, five children and, now six children.  And there are different sacrifices made at each number.  The things that we had the freedom to do with one child, we don’t with six.  Things are more expensive, you have to take different developmental levels in to account, and so on and so forth.

Sometimes I wonder if my children are missing out on too much.  Things that we don’t do because they cost too much time or money (or both).  I feel kind of guilty when I talk to my friends that have only one or two children and hear about all of the things that they are doing–things that my children may very well never do.  I think as parents we all have moments like this.  It may not look the same, but I think we all have moments of regret, wishing we could offer something to our children that we lack.  (Or is that only me?  If so, please don’t tell me!)

However, those moments are fleeting.  Thankfully.  When I start to feel that way, I begin to think about all the things my children do have.  The things they wouldn’t have if our family was any other way.  I am thankful that my children are growing up in a large family.  Our home is always filled with life and laughter.  My children have playmates and “best friends” built into their family.  The differences in all of our personalities lead us to live a life that is more varied and full then it would be otherwise.  Each gift and talent of one brings value to all the others.  There are games we can play that we wouldn’t be able to without such large numbers.  I could go on and on.  (But, thankfully for you, I won’t.)

The point of this blog isn’t to say that large families are better then small families.  Rather, I want to point out that each path in life means sacrifice.  Every choice we make means we are not choosing something, just as much as we are choosing something else.  And this isn’t something to lament about, but rather something to accept–and accept with joy.  You see, when I stop and appreciate what I have in my family–what my children have because of it–then I treat it with the value and care that it deserves.  Instead of lamenting the fact that my family will not experience this class or that trip or whatever, I take care to make sure they experience the best that this family has to offer.  We will never get to “do it all”, but you know what?  That’s okay.  Because, the life we have is pretty spectacular. 

My hope is that in reading this you are inspired by the greatness of your family, too.  What is it that makes your family, the season that you are in right now, special?  Take some time and enjoy it today!  You will be glad that you did.

I was not one of those women who dreamed about being a mother.  I didn’t have a natural love for babies or the funny things that kids say.  I didn’t dislike children, but I didn’t envision them in my life.  After I was married I had the vague thought that probably one day we would have a child, but that was simply because I figured that was part of the process of “growing up”.  I never would have imagined being the mother of six!  Even more, I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to see the great joy that motherhood has brought to my life.  And, for that, I am truly grateful.

I won’t go into all the details right now–although I reserve the right to do so at another time–but becoming a mom was a step of faith for me.  I felt the Lord leading me in a direction, so I followed Him.  On the journey I began to see that this whole motherhood thing may not be completely terrible, but I was some time before I became convinced that it was actually a good idea.  And, the whole time I was beginning the journey I was certain that I did not know what I was doing.  I remember sitting with my husband on the couch one night during my first pregnancy.  I had come to the point of joy at being pregnant, but then I was struck with a terrible thought: I wouldn’t stay pregnant forever!  (That meant first of all, that I would have to give birth!  Aghhh!  Talk about fear!)  It also meant that someday I would have a baby.  A real, live, baby.  I suddenly realized that this was a problem for me.  I had no idea what to do with a baby!  And, this baby would be my responsibility–forever!  Aghhhh!  As I shared this fear with my husband, his answer was, well…not quite the reassurance I was looking for.  We quickly realized that neither of us were prepared, equipped or experienced with babies.  The thing about pregnancy, though, as you may know, is that there is no going back.  You can’t change your mind.  So, we were stuck.  I was going to have to position myself to learn from those who did know.  I was going to have to trust that the Lord would equip me for the challenge that was ahead.

And, this was a very, very good thing.  Because I didn’t know what I was doing, I was open to learning.  I was hungry for every word the Lord spoke to me about it.  I was teachable, gleaning from the knowledge of others.  And, soon after this time, my husband (who was in the Air Force at the time) was stationed in North Carolina where we spent a year at a church that had the most amazing families and teaching on parenting that I have seen to this day.  Jamey and I absorbed everything that we could.  We were like sponges.  We kind of got adopted by a family with eight children and they gave us an idea of what our own family could, and should, be like.  It was an amazing year!  My life will be forever changed because of it.  (Jamey’s too!  And, our children’s, their children’s, etc.  In fact, everyone who is a part of our church are affected by that year, too.  Amazing what fruit comes from being where God wants you to be!)

Looking back, I realize that if I hadn’t had the openness to learn, I could have spent the same year in the same place and walked away having learned hardly anything.  Because when you think you know something, you don’t really open yourself up to learning it again.  During this year, I also began to dream about what my family would be like.  Except, it never felt like a dream that belonged to me.  You see, I began to understand how amazing it was to be a mother.  And, I was just so thankful that the Lord hadn’t allowed me to miss it.  (My heart is overcome with thankfulness about that to this day!)  I feel as though my family is something the Lord and I are doing together.  I know He brought me into it, and I see many of the reasons for it, but I feel like there are dreams in His heart about it, too.  That has prevented me from “owning” the dream and process and experience completely by myself.  And, practically speaking, that has kept my journey full of joy.

How?  Because I didn’t go into motherhood with expectations of  how it was going to be.  I didn’t go into it to have my dreams fulfilled.  Instead, I went into it understanding that it was part of my calling, part of the journey the Lord brought me to and that it was a very good thing and a very big responsibility.  I also knew that I could never do it on my own.  Instead, I would have to trust Him.  I think because of this, some of the hard parts of motherhood don’t feel as hard to me.  Not that it is all easy, trust me! However, when I come to a big bump that I’m not equipped for, that’s okay.  Because I haven’t been equipped for any of it on my own.  He’s had to teach me and train me and give me strength.  So, in those circumstances, He simply has to do that again.

Also, I think it has kept my heart more open to joy.  I often realize that I wouldn’t be experiencing any of this, had it not been for the goodness and kindness of my heavenly Father, who wouldn’t let me miss out.  For that reason, my heart is filled with such joy and thanksgiving that I don’t take many “little things” for granted on this journey.

Just writing this out makes me want to go and squeeze my little (and not so little) ones and it makes my heart sing with thanksgiving to my good Papa.  I hope that reading it does the same in your heart.  May your week be filled with renewed joy and hope at this amazing journey of motherhood! 

This morning was a rather busy morning–as often is the case in a family of eight.  I was going to be going in to work for a few hours and wanted to finish school with my two oldest before I left.  The baby was down for a nap, and the other three littlest ones had disappeared downstairs.  I hadn’t heard commotion down there and had a feeling that it was a little too quiet.  You know what I mean!  But, I was also enjoying the quiet, as it enabled me to finish what I needed to do.  So, it was a little out of reluctance that I ventured into the basement to find out what was going on.

The first thing I discovered was that the bathroom door was locked.  (Multiple children on the other side of a locked door is never a good sign!)  As I knocked on the door and heard the scrambling as one moved to open it, I braced myself a little.  Were they in the make-up?  Using all the dixie cups to sip one sip of water out of each?  Filling the sinks and playing in them as though they are a tub? Nope.  None of the above.  Instead they were playing “cleaning”.  This sounds like a pretty great thing.  Only one problem.  They didn’t quite have the right tools to play with.  Instead of cleaner, they used–an entire can, might I add–of Febreze.  It was everywhere–the mirror, the counter, the floor.  It really was an entire can!  (Not that it really matters, but only the past week had I ever purchased any sort of air freshener.  We had never really had anything like that in our bathrooms before.  I had recently thought it might be nice for our guests if our bathroom was stocked with something like that.  So, I don’t think my children had every really seen any sort of spray in the bathroom that wasn’t a cleaner.)  You can imagine the smell.  How they could stand it in there is beyond me.  On top of the “Febreze Cleaner”, they used toilet paper and my good towels as their cleaning rags!

I will admit to getting a little bit flustered at first.  The bathroom had cleaner and toilet paper bits everywhere!  Quickly, though, I realized something.  What they were doing was actually pretty awesome.  At least, the intention behind it was.  Their desire was good.  They just didn’t know the best way to execute it.  As we cleaned up (and a little bit after), I was able to share about how the next time that they wanted to play “cleaning”, they should let me know.  Because I had things that they could use that would work out better–an extra sponge, an empty spray bottle, etc.  You see, the choice I had with my kids was either to scold them because they had created a big mess–and in doing so, replace their passion for something with shame or uncertainty.  Or, I could help to give them the proper tools for what they wanted to do.  After all, we do have a rule in our house:  You can make a mess (at least, an appropriate mess), but you have to clean it up.  Did I want this to be a mess that didn’t fit with that rule?  Did I really want to discourage their creativity, teamwork and–heaven forbid–desire to clean?  No.  That wouldn’t produce the outcome I was after at all.  It was clear that their behavior needed to be corrected, but not because the heart behind it was bad.  The value system was good, they just had to be trained in the proper way to express it.

As I have thought about this I have been struck by something:  how much of parenting is like this?  You see, most people naturally want to be good parents.  Your child is born and you can’t help but to love them and want their best.  You want them to be happy and safe and your home to be a place of life and love.  So, why aren’t all homes like this?  Why is parenting so tricky?  How do such great expectations and intentions end up going so badly?  I think a lot of that is quite simple.  Parents aren’t trained.  They haven’t been given the right tools.  So, even though their hearts are right, they end up making a big mess of things.

The good news is that the right tools are out there!  You simply have to learn what they are and how to use them.  My journey to motherhood has been so blessed.  While I was pregnant with my oldest, I lived in a place that equipped my husband and I for parenthood.  They gave us tools, directions in how to use them, encouragement as we started out, and hope for what the end result would be.  (This was at a church that had the most amazing families I had ever seen.  It has been nine years since we left and I have continued to see their children grow up healthy, mature and happy.  And without any of the rebellion and relationship strife that so many think is inevitable in family life!)

I know that I don’t have all the answers.  I haven’t become the perfect mother and, quite frankly, I don’t aspire to be.  I simply hope to be correctly equipped for my family to end up blossoming as we journey together into our destiny.  If any of the tools I have are ones you need, I’m thankful to be able to share.  If not, I hope my stories provide encouragement, amusement and life to you anyway!  Blessings to you!